By Beleaf in Fatherhood
.
.
Connecting with your spouse can get tricky sometimes. Date night for us is sometimes date lunch, or date walk, wherever and whenever we can make time for each other. But making time and creating space are two different things. Sometimes both of us are too in our heads about the business, the kids, school, merchandise, music, the list goes on and on. We’ve been in marriage counseling for a while now, and we are learning to communicate in whole new ways. If I can give you any marriage advice for a healthy marriage, don’t be afraid to ask for help, from each other, a professional, or your trusted community. Our focus on the family is what makes our kids feel secure, but we need to learn to shift our focus to each other when we are trying to connect with one another. It’s crucial to date your spouse, to practice healthy marriage habits and connect with one another. Not only is this vital for our relationship with each other, but also for our relationships with our kids. We are the relationship our children have the most exposure to, and they look to us as an example of what marriage is. So, by becoming better spouses, we are learning how to become better parents. #BELEAFINFATHERHOOD
Website: https://www.beleafinfatherhood.com
Transcript provided by YouTube:
00:00
the mindset that it was communicated to
00:02
me from him
00:03
is that he feels like when you become
00:04
adult you don’t have fun
00:07
and for me it was kind of like oh man
00:11
like how do i how am i representing
00:14
adulthood for my child hello hello hello
00:16
look at me
00:17
i’ve been fresh i’ve been walking with
00:19
my savior yes i’m trying to do my best
00:21
yes i’m just a bag of bones trying to
00:22
shake up by the flesh when you see me
00:24
never stress
00:25
when you see me see me see me you say
00:29
three little verses on top of her window
00:32
one more round the bottom blessings came
00:34
back about ten fold
00:35
it’s been a long time since eating rock
00:38
down the line
00:39
when they date night everything just
00:41
falls down the christian
00:44
all right i’ma try to break it down
00:47
being a parent is hard
00:49
being married is hard trying to find
00:51
each other throughout parenthood and
00:53
partnership
00:54
is almost impossible it must be
00:56
intentional if it must be focused
00:59
even when we found time to be together
01:01
we spent that time talking about the
01:03
kids
01:04
yvette’s love language is quality time
01:06
and i was giving her acts of service and
01:09
physical touch not to mention their
01:11
cameras around
01:12
that’s not quality at all the time we
01:15
spent talking about the kids we
01:16
discovered we had an additional problem
01:18
we didn’t even know we had
01:20
check this out do you want them like do
01:23
you want them like you know
01:24
you want the like anti-calculus i want
01:26
better treatment than my children cut
01:29
that’s what i want okay
01:32
is it getting warm i can feel some heat
01:35
all right
01:41
i want to ask you a question i want you
01:42
to think about it before i’m going to go
01:44
get that uh calluses stuff but
01:47
i want to ask you
01:50
what did you learn from each date with
01:52
the kids um
01:54
you took anaya out what’d you learn
01:59
she’s a minimalist she’s oh am i
02:02
supposed to bring out my foot yeah
02:04
um she’s a minimalist she’s very similar
02:07
to me
02:08
in that she really just wants love
02:11
like you know when it was time for her
02:14
date
02:16
as opposed to like the older two boys
02:18
she was asking
02:20
she wanted to stay home she just wanted
02:22
to watch a movie
02:24
eat brownies and cookies and get her
02:26
nails done and just literally be with me
02:29
doing those things like doing the things
02:30
she loved
02:32
once upon a time i didn’t have i used to
02:35
judge people
02:36
with crusty hills
02:39
i don’t know what happened i think as i
02:42
got married
02:43
stopped going getting many mani pedis
02:47
it was probably the children really more
02:49
so than the marriage
02:51
i don’t know i i i
02:55
i don’t know how women fit in all the
02:57
things that
02:58
you know i’m saying like the beauty
03:00
regiment
03:01
like it’s so many different things that
03:04
you guys
03:04
focus on i feel like when i was
03:09
i feel like when i was like pre whatever
03:12
college days
03:14
it was like every two weeks go get your
03:17
hair done
03:18
every you know so often go like maybe
03:20
once a month
03:22
go get um my nails done i wasn’t really
03:25
a huge whatever but do i need to pull it
03:27
out
03:34
um but it’s all about coordination
03:37
you know
03:40
what you mean about coordination it’s
03:41
about the color no no no no coordination
03:44
of the care
03:45
like maybe one prioritize one thing a
03:47
week
03:48
so that it’s all being rotated either
03:50
every two weeks every month
03:52
well i i uh i think
03:56
that’s one thing i hope to establish for
03:58
all our kids is
03:59
like taking care of themselves
04:05
like facials massages
04:08
like all that as a kid as a child
04:14
i mean i feel like if i was introduced
04:16
to that earlier i would have been able
04:18
to
04:20
like understand or like like receive it
04:22
now
04:23
because right now it’s not receiving
04:24
that for me
04:27
well you have to model it for your
04:29
children right so you can receive it
04:32
[Music]
04:34
is this too hot not yet what did you uh
04:37
learn from your date with
04:38
uh your right i i mean as far as what
04:41
parenting i feel like i learned that i
04:43
am going to actually require a lot more
04:45
patience with that child
04:46
like i feel like my heart constantly
04:48
goes out to him as a fellow middle child
04:50
and second born um
04:55
but like it’s going to be harder for me
04:58
to connect with him
05:00
harder than i thought it was and that
05:02
was like
05:03
very evident
05:04
[Music]
05:06
um
05:09
but i’m also realizing that there’s like
05:15
i don’t know he’s still just a big teddy
05:17
bear
05:18
like he’s just a cuddly
05:21
little guy that is really misunderstood
05:28
he’s really though he really is he’s
05:30
misunderstood
05:31
he’s there’s a huge part of it where
05:34
he’s misunderstood but there’s also a
05:36
huge part of it where it’s like
05:39
he doesn’t pick up on social like
05:43
he doesn’t like read the room well and i
05:46
don’t know if you can like
05:48
fault somebody for that
05:52
it’s something that is going to have to
05:53
be taught more explicitly
05:55
for him versus someone like theophilus
05:58
i think the biggest lessons i learned in
06:00
my dates so far is that there’s just a
06:02
huge contrast in these kids
06:04
i think for a lot of it i like expect
06:07
them to
06:10
be very um similar to each other
06:14
because they’re around each other all
06:15
the time yeah like sometimes it’s hard
06:17
to see their differences or
06:19
to see the lack of influence that one
06:21
person has on the others
06:23
but in spending the individual time i
06:25
felt like i got to see them
06:27
more for who they are
06:30
versus who they are with their siblings
06:33
and
06:36
yeah it was interesting they all don’t
06:39
know how to be a part though
06:41
because well actually and i had never
06:43
asked about her brothers but
06:44
theo and ryan were always like i wonder
06:46
what my brother’s going brother’s doing
06:50
theo and i went to the beach and he rode
06:53
his bike and i
06:55
was on my roller blades and he was like
06:59
mom do you know how to um
07:03
rollerblade i was like yeah i did all
07:04
the time as a kid he’s like well that
07:06
was a long time ago
07:08
and i was like yeah but i really have
07:10
fun when i do it
07:11
the mindset that it was communicated to
07:13
me from him
07:14
is that he feels like when you become
07:16
adult you don’t have fun
07:18
and for me it was kind of like oh man
07:22
like how do i how am i representing
07:25
adulthood for my child
07:27
yeah and it felt kind of whack and i was
07:31
like
07:32
i don’t know i have gone rollerblading
07:35
but i haven’t necessarily done it with
07:36
him
07:38
so i feel like i need to do more of the
07:42
things that i
07:43
enjoy with my kids or in front of my
07:46
kids
07:51
do you think that like how are you gonna
07:54
do that
08:00
how are you going to show them that
08:02
grown-ups still have fun
08:05
i think there’s like a realistic aspect
08:08
of it of like
08:09
when you become an adult you have a lot
08:11
more responsibilities that kind of
08:12
interfere with the fun
08:14
but it doesn’t have to be that way and
08:16
so it’s mostly a matter of
08:18
prioritizing fun
08:23
i think sometimes it’ll be explicit i
08:24
think sometimes it will come in the form
08:26
of you and i going on vacations together
08:28
and
08:29
sharing pictures and videos of our trip
08:32
my kids are always telling me that i
08:33
work too much and honestly it gets
08:34
annoying after a while
08:36
but i know where i’m headed and what i’m
08:37
working for so it’s easy for me to put
08:39
too much time into work
08:40
but when yvette told me what theo said i
08:42
was convicted he deserves to know that
08:44
being an adult
08:45
should be fun so we planned a trip to
08:47
hawaii and told them that we were going
08:49
without them but first yvette wanted to
08:52
celebrate my birthday
08:54
okay so glenn hates birthdays he doesn’t
08:56
like to celebrate he doesn’t like do
08:57
none of that stuff
08:58
and so i did a thing and the kids and i
09:02
have like a little surprise situation
09:03
set up for him we’ll see how it goes
09:11
you need help you need help
09:19
don’t be mad just
09:23
invited a few people from the office
09:33
[Music]
09:34
wow
09:39
[Music]
09:48
birthday today oh my lord if it’s yours
09:51
why can’t i celebrate
09:52
oh my god you a gift i’ve been blessed
09:55
by your presence this is love i’m
09:57
expressing and i hope you get this
10:02
message
10:05
[Music]
10:09
the first plate goes to dad birthday
10:16
boys
10:30
it was really good
10:39
all right so while we’re gone if you
10:41
guys need anything and you guys want to
10:42
have any fun
10:44
i gave dallas some money to spend
10:48
for you guys to have some fun so if you
10:49
want to have some fun call
10:51
dallas what okay
10:55
hey call dallas yeah i made a little
10:57
budget nice
11:01
[Music]
—
This post was previously published on YouTube.
***
You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project
 Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often |
 Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It |
 The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex |
 ..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything |
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Log in if you wish to renew an existing subscription.
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
The post Dating My Spouse…Again [Video] appeared first on The Good Men Project.