Have some of the most hilarious and memorable moments happened to you since you've been a mom? Us too. These moms have taken to Twitter, TikTok, and more to share their funny mom jokes, whether they're about relatable parenting experiences, funny stuff kids say or straight-up hilarious one-liners. Celebrities like Reese Witherspoon and Carrie Underwood also have good mom jokes up their sleeves—after all, mom life is universally funny. (And it should go without saying, but mom jokes are way funnier than dad jokes.)
To celebrate the hilarious joys of being a mother, we've rounded up the funniest tweets, quotes, and Tiktok videos by moms, for moms. Read them, retell them, share them—hopefully they'll have you in tears (...of laughter, of course!).
Daughter: You're invading my personal space
Mom: You came out of my personal space
- @_mo_lee_
How to bake with toddlers: Don't - @reallifemommy3
My 7 year-old has a lot of sass for someone who needed help getting out of her pants because she put both legs in the same hole. - @not_thenanny
I put my symptoms into WebMD; it turns out I just have kids. - @sarcasticmommy4
Every morning my kid gets an all you cannot eat buffet. - @LMemeit
What do we want?
SNACKS!
When do we want em?
AFTER DINNER! - kids.
- @momtransparent1
I've never done CrossFit, but I have buckled a screaming toddler into a car seat. - @mommajessiec
It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn't finish… - Carrie Underwood
Watching Frozen 2 without your kid is self care. - @lifeattiffanys
My 18-month-old just handed me her diaper, then peed on my feet. - @lmegordon
Who writes these parenting books anyway? I would have found a chapter on "Your Child Will Wake You By Peering Into Your Soul" helpful. - @jacanamommy
I told my kid what we're having for dinner, and she replied, "Man, I just can't win today." - @orangecrushable
"Your kids are so smart!"
Me: thanks! they watch a lot of YouTube
- @BunAndLeggings
7yo: Mommy when were you born?
10yo: In the 1900s
Me: Hey! That's not true. I'm not THAT old. I was born in 19.....oh no
7yo: Wow, you're like museum old
- @Kids_kubed
I was feeling pretty smug about how clean my house is. Then I remembered there's an upstairs - @lmegordon
Before kids: Netflix & Chill
After kids: Netflix & Yell Go To Bed
- @mommajessiec
There's an old saying about raising kids: The days are long. The days are so, so long. I don't remember the rest. - @lmegordon
Parenting books don't prepare you for your teens hoarding all of your dishes & silverware in their bedrooms. - @sarcasticmommy4
My daughter said "it's cold, but it's a beautiful day." Ppl w no bills are so positive. - @DontWorryBoutB
My daughter is asking the tooth fairy for $100, "because I really liked that tooth." - @marascampo
Nothing ruins my day faster than my kid asking what's for dinner at breakfast. - @mom_needsalife
No one:
Absolutely no one:
My 4yo: When I was in your tummy it was super gross in there
- @pro_worrier_
Do you not get enough sleep?
Do you never have any time for yourself?
Do you long for the days of sleeping in, the sound of silence or actually showing up on time for anything at all?
Then you may be suffering from Kid Insanity Distress Syndrome. Otherwise known as KIDS.
- @stayathomies
Me: I'm so sorry I forgot your name! I'm really, really bad with names. But I never forget a face.
My Kid: Really, mom???
- @AnnaDoesntWant2
8yo: mummy when you come back from the supermarket I want to tell you all about my Minecraft village
Me: oh cool *never comes back*
- @MumInBits
"Hey, I found this great hike we can take the kids on!" and other threats I say to my husband. - @momandburied1
Judging by the way my kids raced to see who could chug their chocolate milk the fastest at the dinner table, I'd have to say they are never, ever going to be allowed at a keg party. - @gfishandnuggets
I knew parenting would involve a lot of crying but didn't realize so much of it would be from me. - @SnarkyMommy78
If you're looking for a confidence boost showing your kids photos from your past is not the answer.
I know this now.
- @OneFunnyMummy
My son's blood type is Parmesan. - @LMemeit
Picked my son up from his first day of in-person learning. I asked him how it went.
"My teacher's bald spot is a lot bigger in person."
- @sarcasticmommy4
5-step guide to baking with kids:
Step 1: scroll through blog for 3 hours until you find actual recipe
Step 2: yell at kids
Step 3: burn cookies
Step 4: buy new kitchen
Step 5: hide under laundry pile wondering where it all went wrong
- @MumInBits
My daughter has decided to teach our kitten to laugh.
I may have over sold the "you can do anything you set your mind to" narrative.
- @PetrickSara
My kid practicing the Jurassic Park theme song on the recorder for a week straight is my supervillain origin story. - @ramblinma
4yo: I love you so much I'm gonna stay with you forever!
Me: Shut your mouth right now
- @mom_ontherocks
My favorite recipe is the one where I pick up the phone & order take out. - @sarcasticmommy4
4yo: mom was i in your tummy?
me: yep!
4yo: who is in there now?
me: no one
4yo: then why is it so big?
husband: oh no
- @mom_tho
Once upon a time a woman had kids and she was exhausted the end. - @MumInBits
4yo: I'm a dragon
6yo: Don't worry Mom, I'm a Pokémon trainer so I can train her.
Me: No one can 'train' her.
- @AmandaRNH
Me: Alexa, set a 5 minute timer
**5 minutes later**
Alexa: he's still crying, would you like add wine to your shopping list?
- @snarkymomtobe
Parenting is 99% getting roasted by your kids. - @MotherPlaylist
Me: can I play with you
Toddler: no thank you
M: may I have an apple slice
T: no thank you
M: I'm going to watch my show
T: no thank you
- A Polite Tyrant
- @snarkymomtobe
I always say if you aren't yelling at your kids, you're not spending enough time with them. - Reese Witherspoon
7yo: "Can I have more apple juice please?"
Me: "Yes, thank you for asking nicely."
7yo: "I wasn't trying to."
- @MomWhineRepeat
Before Kids: We mowed the lawn last month, no need to mow it again so soon
After Kids: Honey! I'm going out to mow the lawn, I know I did it yesterday but it's growing crazy fast this year
- @reallifemommy3
I want to give up wine for the new year, but like, my kids still live here - @saltymermaident
A teardrop tattoo for every homemade dinner kids refuse to eat. - @MotherPlaylist
Do kids have any other setting than "full speed ahead"? - @WhiteGirlChelle
Me: I'll never be like my parents
Also me: If you kids don't stop fighting, I'll pull this car over and you can walk home! - @_goaskyourdad_
I love to open my windows to let in the beautiful weather and so my neighbors can learn my kids' middle names. - @Marlebean
Sometimes I think about the fact that my oldest daughter's name means peace and I laugh so hard that I cry. - @sarabellab123
Yeah my kid rides her bike inside. Without clothes. And helmets. While I ignore her and look at my phone. - Pink
Current status: 4yo is beating me at a game I'm not even playing. - @AnnaDoesntWant2
Taylor Swift needs to write a song about the heartache of leaving a grocery list at home. - @mommajessiec
Turned the crock pot on low and went to work, easy healthy dinner!
Came home to a cold crock pot, sigh. Pizza it is! - @momsense_ensues
6yo: "I can't wait to get married so I never have to do chores again." - @stayathomies
Who's the contact in HR when your kids are yelling at you because the vacuum's too loud but their yelling is way louder than the vacuum - @MumInBits
If you don't use your mom voice on Alexa are you even a parent in the 21st century? - @dishs_up
4: mama you're a sweet tomato!
Me: Aw thank y-
4: because you're round
Me: …
4yo: and plumpy
Me: go to your room
- @michimama75
4yo: mummy are you going to put make up on you look weird
turns out I do have a least favourite kid
- @MumInBits
Me: how about a bath tonight
2yo: how about no
Me:
- my toddler becomes me, a memoir
- @snarkymomtobe
5yo: Mom, what does C P X A R Q Y T M spell?
Me: I don't think that spells anything, sweetie.
5yo: Ok. I thought you said you could read.
Me:
- @sarabellab123
4yo: *whining because I'm not getting her snack ready fast enough*
Me: you need patience
4yo: I DON'T WANT PATIENCE
- @SnarkyMommy78
Parenting is 70% me yelling, 20% asking the kids why they're yelling, & 10% trying to find where I left my coffee. - @mom_needsalife
Awoke to my child having a "screaming contest" with the puppy... probably don't talk to me today - @itsdeenalang
I called out to my daughter to ask where she was and she said she was in the poop zone. In case you were wondering. - @LMemeit
Sometimes as a parent you just need to declare a Chicken Nugget Picnic for dinner and call it a win. - @gfishandnuggets
Somewhere there's a parent, driving alone, stuck behind a slow moving truck and they're thinking, "I don't care how long this takes" - @motherplaylist
My kid's superpower is falling over while standing still - @MumInBits
7yo: So mama, what do you want for your birthday?
Me: Well, I'd like to take a long nap
7yo: Um ok... but something that you can actually have
Me:
- @motherplaylist
[Watching The Help]
Me: You is kind. You is smart. You is important.
11yo: Ha! You're more like, "Be nice or I'll take away your phone."
- @ksujulie
When I told my daughter she needed to "use her words" I didn't think she'd use ALL of them, every waking hour of every single day. - @sarabellab123
"This is my mother's recipe," I say, as I serve a batch of Pillsbury rolls. - @lmegordon
Kid: I love you to the moon and back.
Me: I love you more than all grains of sand on the world's beaches.
Kid: I dunno. That's a lot of sand.
- @FromMinivan
Pretty sure my son's favorite hobby is outgrowing his clothing before the end of the season. - @PetrickSara
14yo: Were you trying to be funny?
Me: Well. Yes.
14yo: UGH. Don't do that.
- @VerbsRProudest
If children are involved it's not a vacation, it's a trip - @mxmclain
Is it...is it...dead?
[visibly upset]
Finding your kid's tablet and hoping for the best
- @memes_byashley
*When you have kids*
*How many days has your hair been in a bun this week?*
Mom: 3, 4, 5… all of them.
- @sandybartistry Find the TikTok video here.
Kid: Mom, you want to play "would you rather"?
Mom: Sure
Kid: Would you rather have 10 babies or have your head chopped off?
Mom: *thinks in silence*
- @fiveoclockmommy Find the TikTok video here.
*Me thinking I can finally relax after the kids go to bed*
*Kid enters*
Kid: "I had a bad dream!"
Kid: "I'm thirsty!"
Kid: "My stomach hurts!"
Kid: "I forgot to tell you this thing that happened today in Fortnite!"
- @nicolederoy Find the TikTok video here.
My kids wanted to know what it was like being a Mom, so I work them up at 2am to let them know my sock came off
- @nicolederoy Find the TikTok video here.
*Define 'toddler'*
Friend: What's the definition of a toddler?
Mom: The face of a baby, the attitude of a teenage girl, and the ability to go from angel to psychopath in 2.7 seconds flat.
- @alexandrafisherrr Find the TikTok video here.
*When your kid interrupts you while you're on the phone*
Kid: Mom
Mom: Hold on
Kid: Mom
Mom: Hold on
Kid: Mom
Mom: Hold on
Kid: Mom
Mom: I'm on the phone
Kid: Mom
Mom: Hold on
Kid: Mom
Mom: WHAAAAAAAT
- @sandybartistry Find the TikTok video here.
*When they ask how homeschooling is going*
Mom: I'm fine
*grabs wine*
Mom: Totally fine!
*opens wine*
Mom: I don't know why this is coming out all loud and squeaky, because really, I'm fine.
- @courteink Find the TikTok video here.
86. *Moms just trying to go pee by themselves*
*Mom thinks she's alone in the bathroom and relaxes*
*Kids pop out of shower and surprise Mom*
- @raising_krazies Find the TikTok video here.
87. *Mom asks toddler to grab you toilet paper*
*toddler brings back a notepad, feather, their toys... *
- @fiveoclockmommy Find the TikTok video here.
88. *Morning mom vs. night mom*
Morning Mommy: buys groceries and plans healthy dinner for the week
Night Time Mommy: orders delivery
- @fiveoclockmommy Find the TikTok video here.
89. *When I say I'm a cool mom…"
When I say I'm not a regular mom, I'm a cool mom
What I really mean is I'm less of a 'don't say that mom'...
And more of a 'don't say that at school' kind of mom.
- @therealamberrose Find the TikTok video here.
90. *When you throw out your kid's toy*
Son: Mommy do you know where my harmonica went?
Me *after throwing it out last night*: No…
Son: But it's missing!!!!
Me: How bizarre!!
- @alexandrafisherrr Find the TikTok video here.
#Jokes #Brandedsynacor2020 #Motherhood #Collective
