100 mom jokes from some of the funniest moms on the internet

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Have some of the funniest and most memorable moments happened to you since you've been a mom? Us too. These moms have taken to Twitter, TikTok, and more to share their funny mom jokes, whether they're about Mother's Day, relatable parenting experiences, funny stuff kids say or straight-up hilarious one-liners. Celebrity moms like Reese Witherspoon and Carrie Underwood also have some good jokes up their sleeves—after all, mom life is universally funny. (And it should go without saying, but mom jokes are way funnier than dad jokes.)

To celebrate the hilarious joys of being a mother, we've rounded up the funniest tweets, quotes, and Tiktok videos by moms, for moms. Read them, retell them, share them—hopefully they'll have you in tears (...of laughter, of course!).

  1. Today is my wedding anniversary & also the same day we leave for a family vacation. I can't think of anything more celebratory than being trapped in a car with kids for hours, asking how much longer. - @sarcasticmommy4
  2. It's been almost six years since my first child was born, and three years from my second. I'm about to attempt a feat I haven't dared for as long. I'm about to put on a white shirt. - @notmythirdrodeo
  3. An escape room, but it's just me trying to quietly leave the room after the baby goes to sleep. - @SatiricalMommy
  4. "When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out." - Erma Bombeck
  5. Nobody: ... My kids: Turn a 30 min hike into 2 hour hike because the floor is lava and they can only step on rocks. - @mombrite
  6. I found $20 in the dryer and promptly made a money laundering joke and I don't care if my family doesn't think I'm hilarious because *I* think I'm hilarious. - @thepursuinglife
  7. Sometimes you just gotta send yourself to your room. - @itsdeenalang
  8. My favorite part of motherhood is asking my kid what they want to eat 392 times a day. - @KarenGiannina6
  9. I think the most important thing about parenthood no one tells you about is the minute you buy something in bulk your kids will decide they don't like it anymore. It's fact. - @mom_needsalife
  10. I don't always make a gourmet meal, but when I do, I garnish that peanut butter sandwich with a pickle. - @MommySatirical
  11. How to bake with toddlers: Don't - @reallifemommy3
  12. My 7 year-old has a lot of sass for someone who needed help getting out of her pants because she put both legs in the same hole. - @not_thenanny
  13. Mom your smile is so beautiful & bright that I hardly notice the wrinkles around your eyes, cause you're old - my daughter to me #mothersdaytruths - @mrscarmichael7
  14. I put my symptoms into WebMD; it turns out I just have kids. - @sarcasticmommy4
  15. Every morning my kid gets an all you cannot eat buffet. - @LMemeit
  16. What do we want?
    When do we want em?
    AFTER DINNER! - kids.
    - @momtransparent1
  17. I've never done CrossFit, but I have buckled a screaming toddler into a car seat. - @mommajessiec
  18. When you have little ones, it's not really Mother's Day...it's more like Mother's 22 minutes to an hour, tops. - @domesticgoddss
  19. It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn't finish… - Carrie Underwood
  20. Watching Frozen 2 without your kid is self care. - @lifeattiffanys
  21. My 18-month-old just handed me her diaper, then peed on my feet. - @lmegordon
  22. Who writes these parenting books anyway? I would have found a chapter on "Your Child Will Wake You By Peering Into Your Soul" helpful. - @jacanamommy
  23. I told my kid what we're having for dinner, and she replied, "Man, I just can't win today." - @orangecrushable
  24. "Your kids are so smart!"
    Me: thanks! they watch a lot of YouTube
    - @BunAndLeggings
  25. 7yo: Mommy when were you born?
    10yo: In the 1900s
    Me: Hey! That's not true. I'm not THAT old. I was born in 19.....oh no
    7yo: Wow, you're like museum old
    - @Kids_kubed
  26. I was feeling pretty smug about how clean my house is. Then I remembered there's an upstairs - @lmegordon
  27. Before kids: Netflix & Chill
    After kids: Netflix & Yell Go To Bed
    - @mommajessiec
  28. There's an old saying about raising kids: The days are long. The days are so, so long. I don't remember the rest. - @lmegordon
  29. Parenting books don't prepare you for your teens hoarding all of your dishes & silverware in their bedrooms. - @sarcasticmommy4
  30. My daughter said "it's cold, but it's a beautiful day." Ppl w no bills are so positive. - @DontWorryBoutB
  31. My daughter is asking the tooth fairy for $100, "because I really liked that tooth." - @marascampo
  32. Nothing ruins my day faster than my kid asking what's for dinner at breakfast. - @mom_needsalife
  33. No one:
    Absolutely no one:
    My 4yo: When I was in your tummy it was super gross in there
    - @pro_worrier_
  34. Do you not get enough sleep?
    Do you never have any time for yourself?
    Do you long for the days of sleeping in, the sound of silence or actually showing up on time for anything at all?
    Then you may be suffering from Kid Insanity Distress Syndrome. Otherwise known as KIDS.
    - @stayathomies
  35. Me: I'm so sorry I forgot your name! I'm really, really bad with names. But I never forget a face.
    My Kid: Really, mom???
    - @AnnaDoesntWant2
  36. 8yo: mummy when you come back from the supermarket I want to tell you all about my Minecraft village
    Me: oh cool *never comes back*
    - @MumInBits
  37. "Hey, I found this great hike we can take the kids on!" and other threats I say to my husband. - @momandburied1
  38. Judging by the way my kids raced to see who could chug their chocolate milk the fastest at the dinner table, I'd have to say they are never, ever going to be allowed at a keg party. - @gfishandnuggets
  39. I knew parenting would involve a lot of crying but didn't realize so much of it would be from me. - @SnarkyMommy78
  40. If you're looking for a confidence boost showing your kids photos from your past is not the answer.
    I know this now.
    - @OneFunnyMummy
  41. My son's blood type is Parmesan. - @LMemeit
  42. Picked my son up from his first day of in-person learning. I asked him how it went.
    "My teacher's bald spot is a lot bigger in person."
    - @sarcasticmommy4
  43. 5-step guide to baking with kids:
    Step 1: scroll through blog for 3 hours until you find actual recipe
    Step 2: yell at kids
    Step 3: burn cookies
    Step 4: buy new kitchen
    Step 5: hide under laundry pile wondering where it all went wrong
    - @MumInBits
  44. My daughter has decided to teach our kitten to laugh.
    I may have over sold the "you can do anything you set your mind to" narrative.
    - @PetrickSara
  45. My kid practicing the Jurassic Park theme song on the recorder for a week straight is my supervillain origin story. - @ramblinma
  46. 4yo: I love you so much I'm gonna stay with you forever!
    Me: Shut your mouth right now
    - @mom_ontherocks
  47. My favorite recipe is the one where I pick up the phone & order take out. - @sarcasticmommy4
  48. 4yo: mom was i in your tummy?
    me: yep!
    4yo: who is in there now?
    me: no one
    4yo: then why is it so big?
    husband: oh no
    - @mom_tho
  49. Once upon a time a woman had kids and she was exhausted the end. - @MumInBits
  50. 4yo: I'm a dragon
    6yo: Don't worry Mom, I'm a Pokémon trainer so I can train her.
    Me: No one can 'train' her.
    - @AmandaRNH
  51. Me: Alexa, set a 5 minute timer
    **5 minutes later**
    Alexa: he's still crying, would you like add wine to your shopping list?
    - @snarkymomtobe
  52. Parenting is 99% getting roasted by your kids. - @MotherPlaylist
  53. Me: can I play with you
    Toddler: no thank you
    M: may I have an apple slice
    T: no thank you
    M: I'm going to watch my show
    T: no thank you
    - A Polite Tyrant
    - @snarkymomtobe
  54. I always say if you aren't yelling at your kids, you're not spending enough time with them. - Reese Witherspoon
  55. 7yo: "Can I have more apple juice please?"
    Me: "Yes, thank you for asking nicely."
    7yo: "I wasn't trying to."
    - @MomWhineRepeat
  56. Before Kids: We mowed the lawn last month, no need to mow it again so soon
    After Kids: Honey! I'm going out to mow the lawn, I know I did it yesterday but it's growing crazy fast this year
    - @reallifemommy3
  57. I want to give up wine for the new year, but like, my kids still live here - @saltymermaident
  58. A teardrop tattoo for every homemade dinner kids refuse to eat. - @MotherPlaylist
  59. Do kids have any other setting than "full speed ahead"? - @WhiteGirlChelle
  60. Me: I'll never be like my parents
    Also me: If you kids don't stop fighting, I'll pull this car over and you can walk home! - @_goaskyourdad_
  61. I love to open my windows to let in the beautiful weather and so my neighbors can learn my kids' middle names. - @Marlebean
  62. Sometimes I think about the fact that my oldest daughter's name means peace and I laugh so hard that I cry. - @sarabellab123
  63. Yeah my kid rides her bike inside. Without clothes. And helmets. While I ignore her and look at my phone. - Pink
  64. Current status: 4yo is beating me at a game I'm not even playing. - @AnnaDoesntWant2
  65. Taylor Swift needs to write a song about the heartache of leaving a grocery list at home. - @mommajessiec
  66. Turned the crock pot on low and went to work, easy healthy dinner!
    Came home to a cold crock pot, sigh. Pizza it is! - @momsense_ensues
  67. 6yo: "I can't wait to get married so I never have to do chores again." - @stayathomies
  68. Who's the contact in HR when your kids are yelling at you because the vacuum's too loud but their yelling is way louder than the vacuum - @MumInBits
  69. If you don't use your mom voice on Alexa are you even a parent in the 21st century? - @dishs_up
  70. 4: mama you're a sweet tomato!
    Me: Aw thank y-
    4: because you're round
    Me: …
    4yo: and plumpy
    Me: go to your room
    - @michimama75
  71. 4yo: mummy are you going to put make up on you look weird

    turns out I do have a least favourite kid
    - @MumInBits
  72. Me: how about a bath tonight
    2yo: how about no
    - my toddler becomes me, a memoir
    - @snarkymomtobe
  73. 5yo: Mom, what does C P X A R Q Y T M spell?
    Me: I don't think that spells anything, sweetie.
    5yo: Ok. I thought you said you could read.
    - @sarabellab123
  74. 4yo: *whining because I'm not getting her snack ready fast enough*
    Me: you need patience
    - @SnarkyMommy78
  75. Parenting is 70% me yelling, 20% asking the kids why they're yelling, & 10% trying to find where I left my coffee. - @mom_needsalife
  76. Awoke to my child having a "screaming contest" with the puppy... probably don't talk to me today - @itsdeenalang
  77. I called out to my daughter to ask where she was and she said she was in the poop zone. In case you were wondering. - @LMemeit
  78. Sometimes as a parent you just need to declare a Chicken Nugget Picnic for dinner and call it a win. - @gfishandnuggets
  79. Somewhere there's a parent, driving alone, stuck behind a slow moving truck and they're thinking, "I don't care how long this takes" - @motherplaylist
  80. My kid's superpower is falling over while standing still - @MumInBits
  81. 7yo: So mama, what do you want for your birthday?
    Me: Well, I'd like to take a long nap
    7yo: Um ok... but something that you can actually have
    - @motherplaylist
  82. [Watching The Help]
    Me: You is kind. You is smart. You is important.
    11yo: Ha! You're more like, "Be nice or I'll take away your phone."
    - @ksujulie
  83. When I told my daughter she needed to "use her words" I didn't think she'd use ALL of them, every waking hour of every single day. - @sarabellab123
  84. "This is my mother's recipe," I say, as I serve a batch of Pillsbury rolls. - @lmegordon
  85. Kid: I love you to the moon and back.
    Me: I love you more than all grains of sand on the world's beaches.
    Kid: I dunno. That's a lot of sand.
    - @FromMinivan
  86. Pretty sure my son's favorite hobby is outgrowing his clothing before the end of the season. - @PetrickSara
  87. 14yo: Were you trying to be funny?
    Me: Well. Yes.
    14yo: UGH. Don't do that.
    - @VerbsRProudest
  88. If children are involved it's not a vacation, it's a trip - @mxmclain
  89. Is it...is it...dead?
    [visibly upset]
    Finding your kid's tablet and hoping for the best
    - @memes_byashley
  90. *When you have kids*
    *How many days has your hair been in a bun this week?*
    Mom: 3, 4, 5… all of them.
    - @sandybartistry Find the TikTok video here.
  91. Kid: Mom, you want to play "would you rather"?
    Mom: Sure
    Kid: Would you rather have 10 babies or have your head chopped off?
    Mom: *thinks in silence*
    - @fiveoclockmommy Find the TikTok video here.
  92. *Me thinking I can finally relax after the kids go to bed*
    *Kid enters*
    Kid: "I had a bad dream!"
    Kid: "I'm thirsty!"
    Kid: "My stomach hurts!"
    Kid: "I forgot to tell you this thing that happened today in Fortnite!"
    - @nicolederoy Find the TikTok video here.
  93. My kids wanted to know what it was like being a Mom, so I work them up at 2am to let them know my sock came off
    - @nicolederoy Find the TikTok video here.
  94. *Define 'toddler'*
    Friend: What's the definition of a toddler?
    Mom: The face of a baby, the attitude of a teenage girl, and the ability to go from angel to psychopath in 2.7 seconds flat.
    - @alexandrafisherrr Find the TikTok video here.
  95. *When your kid interrupts you while you're on the phone*
    Kid: Mom
    Mom: Hold on
    Kid: Mom
    Mom: Hold on
    Kid: Mom
    Mom: Hold on
    Kid: Mom
    Mom: I'm on the phone
    Kid: Mom
    Mom: Hold on
    Kid: Mom
    - @sandybartistry Find the TikTok video here.
  96. *When they ask how homeschooling is going*

Mom: I'm fine

*grabs wine*

Mom: Totally fine!

*opens wine*
Mom: I don't know why this is coming out all loud and squeaky, because really, I'm fine.
- @courteink Find the TikTok video here.

86. *Moms just trying to go pee by themselves*

*Mom thinks she's alone in the bathroom and relaxes*

*Kids pop out of shower and surprise Mom*

- @raising_krazies Find the TikTok video here.

87. *Mom asks toddler to grab you toilet paper*

*toddler brings back a notepad, feather, their toys... *

- @fiveoclockmommy Find the TikTok video here.

88. *Morning mom vs. night mom*

Morning Mommy: buys groceries and plans healthy dinner for the week

Night Time Mommy: orders delivery

- @fiveoclockmommy Find the TikTok video here.

89. *When I say I'm a cool mom…"

When I say I'm not a regular mom, I'm a cool mom

What I really mean is I'm less of a 'don't say that mom'...

And more of a 'don't say that at school' kind of mom.
- @therealamberrose Find the TikTok video here.

90. *When you throw out your kid's toy*

Son: Mommy do you know where my harmonica went?

Me *after throwing it out last night*: No…

Son: But it's missing!!!!

Me: How bizarre!!
- @alexandrafisherrr Find the TikTok video here.