Summer is here again, ladies and gentlemen! That’s right, summer is here! The birds are singing their birdly hymns of love, the sun is shining in that unmistakable beautiful golden hue, and the grass is glowing in the greenest shade of green to ever be greened.
It’s time to get the flying freak off the couch, out of the house, and start having fun in the sun. And guess what? You have a gorgeous Hinge date who seems hell-bent on helping you do just that.
Her name’s Ramona Flowers and she’s a purple-haired alternative chick with a badass attitude and a penchant for adventure.
You and the lovely Ramona are going out this Saturday, but where? Where will you take her? Your black ass has absolutely no idea. Loosely put, you’re flummoxed, stumped, stymied, confused, and totally bereft of ideas, none of which will help make this date as memorable as you need it to be. Well, never fear, mon frere, because Ciaran’s got you covered.
Here are 10 quirky first-date ideas that will blow Ramona’s socks off.
Hashtag, you’re welcome.
Here come the pain!
1. Go for a picnic & take board or card games to play
Tell Ramona to break out the Connect 4 and Hungry Hungry Hippos. Your job is to sort the sandwiches, biscuits, cakes, mixed fruit cider, bean bags, and hayfever medication!
2. Rent bikes and go for a scenic ride
When was the last time you rode a bike? Exactly, and quite frankly, you should be ashamed of yourself. Reconnect with your inner child and take Ms Flowers on a tour of your city’s sights. Ride through the parks, wildlife reserves, city streets, and even along the pier.
You know, the one with the rickety wooden floorboards that’ll make your heads bounce like pneumatic drills when you cross it. Yeah, that one. Maybe you can get childlike and challenge her to a race too. Just make sure you win!
3. Check out an outdoor concert or movie
Get wild, loose, and crazarific while dancing like lunatics in the sun. Or, if you’re feeling devious, take her to a late-night showing of a movie that will terrify her to the core to the point where she has to hug you close for security. You sly bastard, you.
4. Take an outdoor cooking class like BBQ or sushi-making.
Have you seen that movie Ghost from back in the dizzay? You know, the one starring the late great Patrick Swayze? Remember that sexy scene where he and Demi Moore were doing pottery, and their hands were sensually slipping and sliding all over each other? Well, that will be you and Ramona, as Sensei Kenshin instructs you on the finer points of sushi preparation.
Hashtag you’re welcome.
5. Go kayaking
I’ll let you in on a trade secret, the more emotions you can pump into your date with Ramona, the greater the odds of you two pumping each other into oblivion after its conclusion.
Anything that will get your hearts racing as blood courses through your veins and powerful adrenaline surges through your circulatory systems will make the two of you even more attracted to each other.
And you know what? You’re both consenting adults who ain’t nothing but mammalsr, so any advantage you take of said heightened attraction comes with my sincere blessing.
6. Visit a farmer’s market & grab ingredients for a DIY home meal
I don’t know if you’ve ever been to a farmer’s market, but they have all sorts of obscure foods you won’t find anywhere else, like:
- Ground cherries
- Romanesco broccoli
- Lotus root
- Perilla leaves
- Heirloom grains
Now did you know what the hell any of that was?
Me neither! Imagine the multitude of creative possibilities that exist for culinary and romantic hijinks as you guys collectively scratch your heads, say hashtag fuckit, and do your best to come up with something delicious.
Maybe you’ll discover the next Pad Thai. If so, I want a 12.5% commission when you licence it worldwide.
7. Set up a DIY photo session
Go find yourselves a colourful mural or breathtaking garden, break the DSLRs out, and get to snapping. Don’t be shy. Rock it. Control it. Own the motherfucking camera. Channel your inner Ru Paul and get fabulous while you rock the frame like it’s your soul’s true purpose.
Take all manner of silly photos of you guys climbing trees, picking fruit, frolicking with animals, and basically having the time of your lives like the aforementioned Patrick Swayze.
8. Go on a brewery or winery tour & get your drink on
Do I really need to sell this one to you? What? I do? OK, fuck it. If you take Ramona to a winery, you’ll get to look and feel sophisticated and worldly while getting inebriated in the process. It’s the best of both worlds. Bottoms up.
9. Play outdoor miniature or frisbee golf
Are you good at golf? Me neither, in fact, I don’t know anyone who is, and that’s what makes this such a great date idea. Rock up, try your heart out, fail miserably, laugh uproariously, and create some great memories in the process.
10. Hit up a comedy club
So I gotta be honest and say this one isn’t even a summer idea per se; it’s just a cool thing to do on a first date. And you know why? Well, to quote the very first woman I ever took to a comedy club:
Wow, this was easily like the best first date ever. But, when I think about it, you didn’t do anything to make it funny! The comedians told all the jokes, and now I’m somehow giving all that goodwill to you!
That’s not a joke, btw. A woman actually said that to me after a first date at a London comedy club, and she was absolutely spot freaking on. If you take Ramona to a (funny) comedy event, the comedians will do all the work to make her (and you) laugh.
And by the end, you’ll both be floating on a transcendent endorphin high, one which will greatly help the chances of you both getting familiar between the sheets by day’s end.
And with that, I conclude this post. FYI, don’t tell Ramona you’re in lesbians with her. I can’t imagine it going down well.
We were on a break!
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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